


i don't want to forget

by dqnvers



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27407203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dqnvers/pseuds/dqnvers
Summary: "But, I mean... You really forgot the person you kissed?"Tony chuckles humoressly."Yeah. Well, about that... I'm pretty sure that was like, a really violent make out session but I guess I went blank thereon. Maybe I passed out, I don't know. That must have been pretty awkward, anyway."(or, where Tony trying to remember who he made out with at the party and Steve doesn’t want to tell him it was him)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 128





	i don't want to forget

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Before you start, I just wanted to say that english isn’t my first language so there may (but doesn’t have to) be some mistakes so I’m sorry if there are. I never wrote that long shit in english before so I just hope that it’s not that bad. Hope you enjoy!

"Here's the thing," Tony starts. He looks pretty frustrated, like he's been trying to work something out and wasn't sure he was doing it well. Steve narrows his brows, staring at him with a questioning face. "Look, I need your help." 

"O...kay," Steve says, slowly, not sure what he should expect. 

Tony lets out a sight and scratches his head. He looks like he's thinking so intensively on something before he says, almost breathless "Fuck. I.... Well that's awkward. Something happened at a Saturday party." And, _oh_ , Steve wasn't expecting _this on_ e so much that it almost made him choke on his chicken sandwich. 

"Yeah?" He tries, as his throat is clear, blinking away the tears of the corners of his eyes. "What happened? I mean, except that one when you were totally drunk and tried to talk with _fucking tree_ ". 

Tony glares at him with resentment and then looks away, grimacing his face. Steve freezes, waiting for him to speak. 

"Don't laugh at me." 

"I won't" 

"I kissed someone." 

Steve huffs sharply, his stomach twists with nerves and in an instant, he's not that hungry anymore. He places his sandwich on a paper plate in front of him and glances at Tony with the most still and smooth face he could have ever done. 

"Who?" is the only question he decides to ask but Tony just shrugs his arms with a frustrated sigh and looks around the canteen. 

"And here's the thing," he repeats, fists clenched and eyes strayed. "I-- Look, I don't remember. I can't bring it to mind, okay?" There's a pause where Tony sighs loudly again and runs his hand through his hair. "Geez, that's dumb. And frustrating." 

Steve must have one of those stupidest looks on his face because when Tony looks at him he's more confused than a second before. He picks up quickly, in case it would make things more obvious than he wanted them to be. 

"I don't think it's dumb" He states in the first second, looking everywhere but not at Tony and then "But, I mean... You really forgot the person you kissed?" 

Tony chuckles humoressly. 

"Yeah. Well, about that... I'm pretty sure that was, like, a really violent make out session but I guess I went blank thereon. Maybe I passed out, I don't know. That must have been pretty awkward, anyway." 

Steve swallows hard and then he nods. His hands sweat a little, but he's doing his best in keeping his voice steady and not looking like he was going to throw up his guts, which could just make things more awkward than he wanted, like, in his whole life. 

"Oh," he forces himself to mutter. "And you really want to know who it was because...?" 

There is a gentle shrug and unclear expression on Tony's face as he spokes. "I don't know, maybe in case it was an absolutely divine and gorgeous pom-pom girl or someone like that, it would be nice actually. You know, I usually don't drink that much but yesterday will not be called again so i thought i can eventually take advantage of that chance or something" 

Steve nods weakly, holding a really violent and painful gasp back in his lungs.

"I didn't seen anyone," he lies without watching Tony's face in case it would ripped his heart in half and make him all gasping and pining on completely dumb and absurd feelings he couldn't do anything about. He hated it, so much. "I was with Sam almost all the time." 

Tony nods slowly but his face is blank.

"Ah, that's okay. I thought... You know, that you might have seen something or someone but I guess that just makes it less awkward that you actually didn't. So. That's... Yeah, that's great. Fantastic. Uh." 

Steve feels that big breathtaking lump in his throat, his heart is racing so fast in his chest, all he wants to do is to tape it to his ribs and disappear immediately so that Tony doesn't look at him anymore. 

"I guess so," Steve replies and it's all he can choke out of his chest. 

The silent between them is sharp, nearly keen. Steve does all in his power to keep it straight and calm but everything in his gut literally screams and it's just making things worse with every second and his lungs are burning like hell.

And a second later, as if it wasn't bad enough, Tony _smiles_. Really smiles, with all of these wrinkles in the corners of his eyes and the dimples in his cheeks that make butterflies in Steve's stomach and blush tips of his ears. 

"Nevermind, then. Let's forget about it," he suggests before he steals the sandwich from Steve's plate. Like nothing happened.

And, _god_ , it looks like Steve has a really big problem right there.

**

"He doesn't remember," Steve says as he twists his own fingers in nervous impulse. He lays on Bucky's bed, face to ceiling and eyes focused on some ugly scratches near the wall.

Bucky sits next to him and taps a pen against a notebook, rolling back his eyes every time he starts to speak. "And you didn't take care of jog his memory? Wow, what a total lack of mind."

"Oh, shut up, you jerk, you didn't even ask Sam out."

Even if Bucky blushes at that, both he and Steve decide to say anything about it and after a second his arms slopes in relief. "That's… Different matter."

"I'm pretty sure it's not," Steve admittes, mainly because he doesn't want to drag the 'Steve and Tony' subject endlessly. He's tired and gloomy and talking about it didn't help even if Bucky tries as he might to make him feel slightly better. "He likes you," he decides to add, when Bucky doesn't say anything. The math textbook doesn't make sense for him anymore so he puts it down on the bedside table and sighs loudly, running fingers through his hair. "And you like him too, so you two could just stop being so goody-goody and go on a damned date instead of whining so loud at other people's faces about your honest and unrequited love."

"Geez, you don't have to be so aggressive about that "

"I'm doing my best," Steve admittes, twisting his lips with a gentle smile which honestly doesn't even look like a smile, not at all, more like a painful wince. 

"And you're the one who's whining." Bucky adds and follows Steve's movements as he shuts his textbook down.

Steve snorts. "No I'm not."

Yes, he definitely was.

Like, it wasn't nothing new for him that his feelings for his best friend was clearly and obviously bigger and stronger than it should be. That was something he remembered since he was a little, birdbrained kid in fifth grade — asthmatic and unliked and awfully alone. And then Tony just came up in his life and gave him a hand with the sweetest and cheerful smile which makes Steve's stomach roll and his face blush and that was it. It took him years to actually notice that it wasn't a clearly friendly feeling he had for brunet. And the second he noticed it, things became harder for him and it was nearly impossible at first to avoid being totally obvious and hanging out with him without doing stupid things, like looking at him too long or blushing when he smiled at Steve, eyes bright and happy and so, _so beautiful_. And it just makes him wonder, if he was acting like that before? If he was so obviously sappy and heart-eyed at him when he was absolutely unaware of his own feelings? If Tony had ever noticed that?

 _He couldn't_ , something says in Steve's head, that one voice which always tries to make him feel better or worse, depends on the situation. _Because if he knew, he wouldn't want to know you anymore._

Steve doesn't notice when he clenches his jaw and holds his own t-shirt so tightly he could actually rip it if he weren't so small and strengthless like a primary school kid. Only Bucky's touch on his arm puts him off his stroke and Steve raises his gaze, staring at him almost apologetic.

"I can't tell him," he mumbles, making Bucky's face fall down. 

"Why?"

"Because he doesn't want it to be me."

Bucky huffs tiredly and runs hand over his face. "Why the hell…"

"Look, I really appreciate your help but for now I don't really want to do anything about it and fuck up my lifelong friendship with Tony just because I agreed to listen some asshole who can't even ask on a date someone who's been flirting with him for whole last year. And I want things to be just great and unproblematic and I'm pretty sure that the fact Tony doesn't remember what happened literally saved my ass, so. Yeah." He stops for a moment, thinking about something before he lifts up to sit. "I don't want to fuck things up, Buck," he repeats quietly and wraps his arms around his own chest. 

Bucky doesn't respond for a long moment and when Steve starts to think that he's not going to get any more advice, he huffs loudly. "Is that what you want to do?" he asks, his ice blue eyes turn to Steve's face with worry.

Steve nods. For now, it's practically everything he can do.

Bucky sighs. "Alright, punk. I guess I can't force you to do something different at the moment."

**

Steve closes his locker when Tony's face shows up unexpectedly next to him with a grimace, eyes narrowed and brows raised to his short dark hair.

"What the fuck, Steve," is the first thing he says and Steve's heart immediately falls to his stomach. 

_He knows_ , the annoying voice in his head hisses and he automatically clenches his fists with fear. 

Even so, he decides to pretend as long as he can, in case he could twist himself off the fact he let himself be kissed aggressively by his drunk best friend on some kind of stupid party. And it was as bad as it sounds. Well, it wasn’t _that_ bad at first, but that was before Tony made it clear he prefered to be kissed by some blonde or any other jaw-dropping girl he could actually take on a date and buy flowers for her _instead_ of small, stupid twink with long ass list of disorders and conditions and not working lungs who literally get ill every month of the year. It’s hilarious, when he starts to think about it. He was nobody in this large crowd of people that Tony actually could have with a snap of his fingers. 

So he tries, anyway, eyes widened with confusion. “I don’t know what you're talking about.”

Tony draws his lips in a straight line and he looks tired and hurted and Steve doesn’t want to think about it. “You do.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Stop it, Steve, you do. You’re avoiding me. Have been avoiding me for a while.”

And that’s… Well, obviously not what he was expecting. He opens his mouth to say something, probably argue with some shitty “you’re overreacting and i’m fine” explanations but Tony effectively chops him off and raises his hand up before he lays it on Steve’s shoulder, making him shiver under the touch.

“Listen. I tried to ask Bucky what’s up but he kept hating me so it was a big failure. Like, a big one. And in turns out, you and Sam aren’t that close as I thought which isn’t the worst part, but I accidentally found out that he was with Nat all through the party and you told me… That doesn’t make sense for me, what are you trying to hide from me? I did something wrong? You can tell me if I did, you know that. I’m not the best type of friend, as you can say,” There’s a flash of smile as he says that but it’s the most humorless smile Steve has ever seen and it makes his stomach twist in hurt and guilt. He looks away, fidgeting with his t-shirt. “Come on Steve. You know you can tell me everything.”

And just like that, Steve wants to cry so bad it makes his lungs heavy. 

“There’s not much to talk about,” he mutters quietly as he clenches his hand on backpack strap. 

“You know I don’t believe you.”

Steve decides not to answer and locks his locker with slow movement as if he was scared he could break it with his floppy muscles and skeleton arms. In an instant, he feels so small next to brunet it almost makes his chest burn, neck twitching uncomfortable under his gaze. “Just not having my best time. That’s… the exams and all.”

“The exams and all,” Tony repeats with some kind of bitterness Steve doesn’t want to hear. There’s a moment of silence before he speaks again and he must have noticed the temper in his voice because it’s quiet and softer this time. “Steve, please, why don't you want to talk with me?”

“I’m talking to you right now.” Steve mumbles fooly and not sure he wants to be heard, but Tony's expression says everything before he can smoothly change the subject.

“You know that’s not what i mean. You’re trying to avoid something. Trying to avoid _me_. Why?”

There’s no answer. Steve doesn’t stop clenching his hand on backpack strap, eyes locked at his feet and heart pounding heavy in his chest, it could break his ribs without any try. “Just said you.”

“That's bullshit.” Tony’s voice is full of annoyance again. “You know that’s bullshit. You can’t bullshit me, Steve.” 

There’s no word how much Steve doesn’t want to have this conversation right now but Tony is stubborn and he would probably sooner die than give up and honestly, Steve doesn’t have many options. He must find some explanation. Any explanation. He inhales loudly, knuckles white on backpack straps and eyes lowered so he can’t look straight at Tony as he spoke. “I don’t feel like hanging out with anybody at the moment.”

“That’s because of the party?” Tony asks softly but Steve doesn’t have a chance to answer. “Something happened on Saturday? Look, I know what you told me about Sam but he was pretty sure you wasn’t with him there and I feel like he and Barnes have something in common so maybe that part about Romanoff was a bullshit, too, and he was just, staring at him all the time or something but he said that you actually was looking for my drunk ass throughout the party even if I can’t remember that and…” Something must have distracted him, because in one second his mouth falls open, eyes locked on Steve’s blushed face. And in an instant the quiet “ _oh_ ” escapes his lips and, god, Steve just wishes the ground would swallow him up right now. “Oh.” He repeats even if there’s no need for that.

“Yeah.” Steve mutters dryly, doing everything but not looking at Tony’s face. “I think that's how things went.”

“But…” Tony hesitates for a short moment and Steve hears a silent curse flipping his mouth. “Holy shit, Steve, I’m sorry...”

“Don’t be. “ Steve gasps out dryly and he really means it. There’s one worse thing than Tony finding out he has been made out with Steve and it was him, being all disappointed and dejected and, god, sorry, like it was the biggest nightmare of his. Like it shouldn’t happen. Like it was absolutely the biggest mistake he has ever made. “That was my fault, anyway.”

“How it could be your…”

“I was stupid. I let you. It’s…” He feels like he starts to get lost in the words so he stops for a moment, clearing his throat and running fingers through his hair. “That was my fault. You were drunk.”

“That’s not an explanation for what I have done and…”

“God, Tony, can you just stop being so apologetic?” He hisses loudly and gazes at Tony hurtful until he realizes what he’s doing. “I said that was my fault and it was my fault. And I… I let you do it before I realized you were so ripped and I hoped that you wouldn't remember so you couldn't feel disappointed or disgusted or both, _shit, I don’t know_ ”.

“What are you…”

“Can we just drop this and act like it never happened? We really don’t have to have this conversation, I’m okay with that, just, please, don’t be so sorry about it and…”

“Steve.”

“...I know that’s not what you expected and, damn, I’m the one who should be sorry for that and…”

“ _Steve_.” Tony repeats, louder this time so Steve eventually stops stumbling over words. “Steve, what the fuck are you talking about.”

For the first time in the last few minutes, Steve has absolutely no idea what he should say. He just stares at Tony, heart pounding so loud out of his chest you could hear it outside the building. There’s no people in the corridor – just he and Tony, which obviously makes everything worse when he starts to think about it. His lips are shaking as his hands, tears burning in his throat. He looks at Tony but he can't read anything from his face. All he can do is stare and wait, his whole body tensed, eyes glued to Tony's face.

“Why didn't you tell me earlier?” Tony asks quietly after a long moment (or maybe it was a short moment and Steve lost track of time?), his voice making Steve shivers and sending goosebumps down his spine.

“As I said, we can just drop it forever.” Steve responds which isn’t a great response and is completely out of topic but he can't think properly when Tony just stands in front of him with that face.

There’s a moment of silence between them before Tony says “I don’t want to,” and that’s how Steve’s arm falls in terror, knees getting wobbly like a fucking jelly under him.

“’s okay,” He mutters weakly, even if it isn’t. “Have a suspicion you would be pissed off or something. Expected you wouldn’t want to... ”

“God damnit, _Steve_.” 

Steve stops again. He’s too afraid to look up so Tony lifts his chin with his thumb and takes it away immediately but even so, it makes Steve shiver under his touch.

“Can you just let me talk before you’d pass out here or something?” Steve doesn’t answer, but Tony seems not waiting for it. “First of all, what did you mean by this whole ‘disappointed thing’ because it looks like it’s really bothering you right now.

Steve literally cringes under his gaze. “The thing you said. About… About girls and dating and- Just thought, I don’t know. That you will be disappointed when you'll find out that was me and it would make things weird between us so i didn’t want to fuck things up, or something. I guess.” He clears his throat and shrugs his arms like it was nothing. “Didn’t go as I planned, though.”

Tony just stares at him for a few seconds, understanding on his face. “Oh, god. That’s my fault.”

“I just said that it was me who fucked this up and you just-”

“I chickened out.” Tony admittes before Steve can say anything more and there’s a long silent moment after that. He chuckles hysterically and 

“I don’t understand…”

“I chickened out.” Tony repeats fooly. “The day when I asked you if you know something. I chickened out.”

Steve opens his mouth, then shuts it, then opens again but no word escapes. Tony grunts uncomfortably. 

“Well, yeah, I remember I kissed somebody so I asked you because,” He starts and then pauses for a moment, chuckling nervously. “I don’t know, maybe had a little hope you would admit it was you. Which was stupid and I was trying to tell myself I shouldn’t do that because that’s… Impossible? And then you act like you were uncomfortable with talking about it, let alone doing it, so I. You know. Was trying to change the subject so hard it made me an asshole. And that was the moment when I chickened out.”

Steve opens his mouth again, feeling heat on his cheeks, ears, _almost everywhere_ and in one moment he can't get his words together. 

Tony just stares at him, a gentle smile on his face. “We can drop it if that's what you want” he mumbles quietly. “But I don’t want to.”

It feels like Steve’s brain melts for a moment and he can’t even force himself to say anything reasonable. He just stares at Tony, eyes widened and jaws dropped with no word.

Tony chuckles again, making Steve’s stomach twirl in the best way it could ever have done. “You have to say something or I’ll really start to worry.”

“Yes.” Steve’s babbles silly, feeling blush all over his face. “I mean, no. I don’t… I don’t want to drop it.”

The smile on Tony’s face is so warm it makes Steve’s heart dance in his chest. “That’s great.” He says like he really means that and reaches to cup Steve’s face in his hands. “That’s really great.”

Steve feels like he's not able to move for a while and just stares at Tony, cheeks on fire and butterflies in his stomach. Tony's hand is warm on his face, making his whole body warm, sending another wave of electricity down his spine and it’s just _perfect_ , making Steve want more in one second so all he can do is get a bit closer Tony and closes his eyes and then the warm breath is on his face, fingers running on his cheeks before he feels warmth on his own lips.

Tony kisses him.

It’s different from that one kiss at a party. Steve doesn’t feel booze on his tongue and there’s no violence in Tony’s movements, he’s not trying to pull his hair or get his hand under his t-shirt or doesn't bite his lip. He’s slow and gentle as if he was afraid of hurting Steve. And that just makes it all better, the fact Tony knows what he’s doing, _he’s aware of what he’s doing_. Steve’s head spinning at the mere thought, hand clenching on his shirt and silent gasp escaping his mouth. Tony smiles during the kiss, easing away so he can look at Steve’s face, eyes sparkling and grin on his face.

“Please, do not chicken out right now,” Steve says under his breath almost breathlessly and all Tony can do is burst into laughter before he kisses him again. 


End file.
